Trinity

Wouldn’t it be perfect
If “we” all became one?
No “I” or “You” or “They”
Just one giant indomitable I
Tall and selfless like the palm tree
Wouldn’t it be liberating if I would
Unify the rift between truth and lie?
If I would cross the fence and pull the plug
On the conflict between good and the need for doing good?
If I would break the horrifying silence of the hibiscus Stimulating the unsated thirst of the butterfly
If I would make every cloudy face break open like the morning sun
If I would be as liberal as the sun,as cleansing as the rain
If I would be as receptive and meek as the moon
We would be one indomitable “I

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9 thoughts on “Trinity

  1. Na wa o! This one that you carried plenty sad smileys to answer people… Ki lo de? 🙂
    It isn’t bad jare. It is different positive…somehow 🙂
    Truth is the poem started, for me, in the sixth line. Almost as if the preliminary lines were just prosaic introductions of thoughts pouring… I also think if the poem started in the sixth line it would have been tighter, more condensed and yet the meaning wouldn’t have been lost.

    What unites most of your poems is your play with the elements – bringing in the sun, the wind or some other such elements. Gives your work a connection to the earth – which is a nice thing.
    Well done jare. You try wella.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol… sad smileys ke! They don’t look sad to me now. Anyway I think it depends on the angle (:

      Well, the introduction seems to me like an appendage, it might look unimportant but it has and serves a purpose(like easy to understand by all ages). It’s absence signifies a deformity, don’t you think?

      Read from the sixth line without the first five in mind, and the poem is too sharp and dry(some might think so too). It’s the first line or the other four lines…

      The only line I consider unnecessary is the first line( even that I employed with the Trinity in mind. “If we could be like the Father, Son and Holy Spirit”), removing the other four to me is like severing a limb or an appendage, just because it’s elongated or prominent. They might make the body portable but it needs them to move about.
      Severing too many appendages and limbs makes a stump of a poem.
      What if I remove line 2-5 and leave 1. Or cut off line 1 leaving 2-5?

      Like

  2. Not quite like your other poems buy hmmm, interesting. Reflective,  meditative and in its own way, interactive 🙂

    Reminds me of 2Baba’s ‘If to say na just me’ lyrics.

    What are my thoughts?

    I like the rhythm. I like the flow.

    But there are a few things I would have mentioned for small change… only problem is you might say you are adherring to one form or the other…

    Still,  I think you should rework the ‘divine’ n the first line… Sounds too… one kain. You feel?

    My best line in the poem is ‘Stimulating the unsated thirst of the butterfly’ and the one before….

    Well done!

    From:”Olufunke Kolapo” Date:Thu, 1 Oct, 2015 at 10:47 Subject:[New post] If I Would

    Olufunke Kolapo posted: “Wouldn’t it be divine If we all could be I? What if there were no they? No you? Just one giant indomitable I Tall and selfless like the palm tree Wouldn’t it be liberating if I would Unify the rift between truth and lie? If I would cross the fence and p”

    Liked by 1 person

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