If you can bear it, you have not reached your limit yet.
You are stronger than you think…
Don’t give up now!
“You open Your hands
Says the Word.
I have waited long
For their opening
They never did
If I take what they have withholden from me
I wonder how long I’d have it
Will it be mine forever?
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
By William Earnest Henley
Fear of poverty
Fear of of failure
Fear of acceptance
Fear of being stripped of power
Fear of tomorrow
Fear of the unknown
Fear of death
Fear makes people see what they want to see
Fear makes people see evil in every faces, evil in one another, evil where it does not exist
They lust for what they can’t have; what they shouldn’t have.
Fear is the real evil.
Unmask fear and conquer all evil
Like an undecided ghost
I lingered on the threshold of two worlds
Lost in the silence of their million miles
I waddled through thick fog and fiery furnace
They passed through me a zillion times
They left no traces of their passage
Save their tales on my lips
To touch a million and more lives
What if I didn’t go out that day?
What if I had missed that day’s lectures?
What if I had ran faster?
What if I didn’t lose my leg?
I have never been able to construct any acceptable scenarios for my what ifs.
Today, I couldn’t stop myself from wandering through their endless maze.
Where would I be if that day never was?
Who would I be?
I can’t say precisely, but one thing is clear; my scars made me who I am today.
If I hadn’t them, I would be ordinary; just plain old me.
I drove myself to the get a new Hairdo today.
I know it’s nothing new or noteworthy, but for three years I made my hair at home or by myself.
Last year I started going to the salon once in a while, driven by my Dad or my brother accompanied by one or two of my sisters.
Today, I drove myself without escorts and it was fun.
I have formed the habit of taking notes of how far I’ve come and how far I go each day. It has given me the strength to keep moving and to be thankful for all I had taken for granted before now.
Everyday I learn to do a new thing fills my heart with joy. Either finding an easier way to use the stairs, the bathroom, even to cook in the kitchen, it all makes the journey interesting and smoother.
Whatever difficult situation you find yourself today, remember it gets better, might be hard and uncomfortable at first but you get there eventually.
Keep moving, and never stop believing.
These make my day everyday.
What makes your day…?
I think of all the lies that felt real
All the truths that turned out to be lies
And those truths that drowned in the ocean of doubt and fear,
And realised how true untruths can be.
“I’m not going to die here,” I said to myself, “not yet, not on the street like a dog. I’ll see my family and say goodbye to them. I’ll find out what happened to me.” I said to the bright sun and the looming night. I have no idea why I had the thought that I was not yet dead, but it gave me hope, enough to have a little strength. A dark shape appeared above and blocked what little light I had left to see, and then it spoke.
“Pele Aunty, sorry, what is your name?”
“Funke” please, help me. I raised my right hand and he touched it.
“Calm down, I’ll help you. Your phone is dead. This is it” I couldn’t see anything. Do you know any number I can contact? I nodded.
“Okay”. I gave him my brother’s number. My dad was my first thought, but I could picture him falling apart. He would first rush to the toilet and back. Then he would go again, maybe three times before making up his mind on what to do.
“The number is not available. I tried it twice. Do you know another one?”
My tongue was getting heavier and getting hard to swallow. My throat was shutting down the passage to my voice box. I recited my dad’s number. “Couldn’t he just get me out of here first before calling a family meeting? His voice broke into my thought. “Hello, omo yin Funke, your daughter had been hit by a vehicle at Ojoo. Can you hear me? Hello, he cut the line. I can’t reconnect with him.”
“I’ll give you another one, my mother’s.” And I did.
“Hello, your daughter has been hit by a vehicle. Yes, she was in an accident. We are taking her to UCH now, join us there. Hello, hello, she is not responding. The line is on but she is not talking.”
“My sisters, I know my sisters’ lines too.” He called them both but they all disconnected at the mention of UCH.
“Do you know another one? Funke, answer!
“Yes, yes— 0805—5—” it was becoming awfully difficult to speak, to think. I couldn’t remember. The number was in there somewhere, my brother-in-law’s but I couldn’t remember. Everything was dark and hot like my head. It was too dark to see anything. I couldn’t see the rest of the number. My mind was being wrapped in a thick blanket.
“Hello”, his voice hauled me back again, from the deep dark hole. “Somebody has called back, I think it’s your father. “—ehn, meet us at UCH, your daughter had been hit by a vehicle. Yes, we are going there now.”
“I told you to calm down, I have contacted your father, he would join us at the hospital. I’m going to get a taxi now. My own broke down, but my friend is near. I’ll just call him. I’ll be back.”
I wanted to tell him not to leave me but I couldn’t see anything. So, I closed my eyes maybe the dream would fade and when I opened them I’ll be home in my bed. My waist kept burning, and the warm thing kept trickling.
I remember the man’s voice. Was I hit? But how? Where was I coming from? And where am I? Why can’t I remember? Did he say Ojoo? Okay I was going to school, to UI for a lecture walking with my friends? My friends, where are they? Were they hit too? I have to ask him.
When did I leave home? Home, my head was too cloudy. No feedback was coming from the main database. The warm fluid wouldn’t stop trickling between my legs. My legs! Why can’t I move or feel my left leg? Then another realisation set in, the heat was coming from my leg. It was in my left leg. Now, I wanted the dream to stop. The chill was overpowering me. I was becoming the chill. But I have to be strong, I just knew it. It was all I had to do, all I could do even as the bright light was being swallowed by darkness just like I’m being swallowed by the chill.
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